He Brings Things Full Circle

Hey there! Wow, it’s been a minute since I’ve posted here. 19 months to be exact. Sorry about that. Just a quick update, come this September I get to go back out on the field with the World Race Gap Year. This time I’m not a racer though, rather I get to lead the next gen of racers. I just got back from their training camp where I got to invest and spend time with them for a straight 10 days! I love them a whole lot already. Like actually so much. To say I’m excited for this would be a complete understatement. All I know is that I am immensely grateful for this opportunity and I’m stoked that Jesus chose me to do this with Him. If you’d like to know more about what exactly I’ll be doing feel free to email me, text me, or we can hangout and I’d love to tell you all about it! But for now, we’re going to take a bit of a trip down memory lane.

About two years ago, August of 2016, I pulled up onto AIM’s (Adventures in Missions) campus for my training camp. I had no idea what to expect. Before training camp, the World Race was almost like a figment of my imagination. It’s something I talked about and thought about all the time. But, other than fundraising and talking to my squad through the internet, it wasn’t quite tangible. Then when I showed up at AIM it very much so was. Like a straight up in my face kind of tangible. Something that’ll always getcha at training camp is the way they talk about the Father and the relationship we have available with Him. Actually having a relationship with God, especially the way they talked about it and lived it at AIM, was a rather foreign concept to me. The fact that I didn’t have to earn His love was odd and didn’t seem true. Wasn’t I supposed to do things for Him? Aren’t I to messy for Him? He’s holy, I’m deeply sinful, so therefore I couldn’t truly interact with Him, right? Wasn’t I suppose to earn His approval? Read my Bible here and there, then go to church and youth group on Sunday meant I was good right? No no. He was at a distance, because I didn’t know I could get any closer to Him. Thankfully, He wrecked my way of thinking about Him and about who I am. He showed me that He freely loves me, I don’t have to earn it. He loves me because it’s who He is. I learned that sin and shame actually don’t define me. That they have no hold over me. I learned of the actual weight of the Gospel. And y’all, worship?! I thought these people were mad wild, but they’re just head over heels in love with Him. My training camp was the first place that I experienced true freedom. Since then, I’ve just been becoming more free.

On the Race, I dug a whole lot deeper into what an authentic relationship with Him looked like. Surrendering shame to Him. Bringing the dark into the light. Oh man, it was a good nine months. He showed me the truth of who He is and the truth of who I am. He showed me that I am worthy, but not because of what people say or do, but because of what He says and what He’s already done. I learned how to be loved and how to love. Then I came home, it was almost like I forgot everything He had done on the Race.

Coming off the field, I was nervous about a few different things, but one of the biggest things was the fear of falling back into a particular sin. And, I hate to admit it, but I did. Home was hard, and rather than relying on His strength I relied on my own.. which in all reality is none. I shrunk back into shame. I ignored God because I was confident He no longer wanted me. If I didn’t approach Him, I wouldn’t have to receive His condemnation. I thought I had just screwed up everything the Lord had just done in my life.

About a month after being home, July of 2017, I showed up again on AIM’s campus for Project Searchlight. I was carrying a whole lot shame, doubt, and unbelief. I was letting all these lies Satan was feeding me, define me and God. I had the very real fear that when I would approach Jesus at the end of my life that He would look at me and say I was never enough for Him. I was completely convinced that He would turn me away. This fear dictated everything. I remember sitting in the good ‘ole training center during worship. We were singing the song Yes and Amen (it’s a great one), it’s all about His faithfulness. Everyone stood and shouted at the top of their lungs “faithful you are, faithful forever you will be.” and “all your promises are yes and amen.” As they stood singing, I sat crying because I didn’t believe it. Maybe He was faithful to them, but not to me. I was so convinced the He no longer wanted me. I was convinced that He left me. I was convinced that He would cast me away and that I wasn’t good enough for Him.

Man, coming home from PSL, I wrestled with that a lot. We really had to renew my default way of thinking. We dug a whole lot into His Truth. By His grace, He showed me again who He is and who I am. And I know He’ll continue to show me again and again whenever I need it. He led me to a deeper level of freedom.

Now, fast forward to these last couple weeks of my life. I rolled up onto AIM’s campus round three. This time for Gap T’s training camp. To lead these wonderful humans. But, this time I felt different. I felt confident in my identity as His beloved. I felt secure in His love. I’m rooted in His truth. One of the days of training camp, I was talking to Hannah, Han is a great gal. We were on the same squad for our race and now we get to lead this squad together! We were talking about that day at PSL when I was crying my eyes out because of how unsure of Him I was. I looked at Han while we ate dinner and was like “what if they played Yes and Amen tonight at session? Then I could just have this redemption moment. So things could be brought full circle. Since the last time they played it here I didn’t believe it at all, but now I’m so so sure of it.” Then Han was like “omg yas.”

Well friends, that night at session they played it!!! Han and I looked at each other, screamed a little, and then I got to sing my heart out. Because now I believe it at the very core of my being that He indeed is faithful. If He wanted to leave me He defs could’ve, but He didn’t, because that’s not who He is. He stuck around and pursued me day in and day out, even when I was oblivious to it, even when I didn’t want it. So, moral of the story is that He brings things full circle. And that He redeems.

Now, here I sit in my room at home a little over a month away from going to Guatemala, reflecting on what in the world these last two years of my life have been. I am so so sure of His love, of His grace, and of His faithfulness. I’m so sure of His character, that He’s gentle and gracious. Not forceful and condemning. I know without a doubt, that I am loved beyond comprehension by the one who created the heavens and the earth. That I don’t have to earn anything. He freely gives me all of Himself. All that’s on me is to receive. I am His and He is mine, nothing will ever change that. I’m deeply rooted in the Father, nothing will shake me. I no longer live shackled to my shame. I live a free life. And now, not only do I live that free life, I get to invite other people into it. Oh, praises. 

These people I get to lead over these next few months already amaze me so much. Their desire to grow is absolutely wild. I see the freedom they’re going to walk into and I can’t wait to watch it all unfold. I’m excited to partner with Jesus in this. It’s a complete honor and privilege to do this. But, I need your help to do so. I have to fundraise $3,000 and I’d love for you to be apart of this journey. If you’d like, feel free to click on that little donate button to help ya girl out.

Thanks a million my friend.

– Lyss